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Saturday, September 13, 2008
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nobody reads this blog anymore. and here i am updating it. this is a pretty darned good gauge of how bored i am in shanghai now.
for all the uninformed (if u ever chance upon this dormant blog), i'm having a 3 day week now. On top of having way too much time, my passion for Chinese Literature is declared dead (after i failed to remember the author of the very first historical record in Chinese history) so i don't read alot anymore.
in short, im idling myself silly.
its funny how the blog writing habit couldn't really catch on with our generation. we ALL have blogs and most of us don't update it since 2-3 years ago. for some reason i can't quite articulate, i'm thankful for that. i feel that i can identify with my generation.
this blog entry is dedicated to lihui (and her friend hy) and osm and any other friends who will eventually make their way to shanghai.
just in case the above persons think i'm only giving them guidance to Shanghai because im frigging bored - I WOULD HAVE EMAILED YOU ALL ANYWAYS. but its more fun to put in on a blog cos emails always feel too personal.
THE A-Zs OF VISITING SHANGHAI
disclaimer:
1)the following "list" by no means reflect what i really characterize as "Shanghai". 2)the advice that i am about to give is not what i would tell someone who is going to stay in Shanghai or someone who wants to know Shanghai more intimately.
BUT since visitors really don't need want/need/get to know what Shanghai is like in a short trip, i decided to pinpoint the more glaring aspects. hopefully this list will buffer the cultural shock, and consequently prepare the visitors enough for them to appreciate this city i've grown to love.
A - ANG MOH
Well, we're not ang mohs. lucky us. cos it gives us the chance to shapeshift. be a foreigner ie speak english when you demand good service, especially at fancy restaurants or clubs; but be a chinese when you're shopping or you will find yourself seriously overcharged.
B - BARGAINING
My aunt ever bargained in Best Denki Singapore. She will do well here.
BARGAIN when you shop. When 襄阳路 was around, prices start out 300% more than the dealing price. You get the drift. You should be able to get 40-80 RMB less off a 180RMB clothing. (but please don't bargain in emporiums, restaurants, cabs or anywhere with a price list)
C - CABS
Cabbies in Shanghai are generally more well-mannered than the ones i've seen in sg. They might sound rude and boorish but thats just a problem with "Volume" in China. we'll come to that. But in the case where you've disclosed ur secret identity as a tourist (esp when you're going back to your hotel or not know ur road names), be wary of serious detouring. If you SENSE a longer route, or the cabbie just seems mean and all, ask for a 发票 at the end of ur ride. Don't sound even VAGUELY POLITE when u get ur 发票, just say 给我张发票. If the cabbies have been naughty, just give zy a call, he'll make a complaint using the 发票. Normally its just faster to call me when you are on the cab, he'll make sure the cabbie doesn't cheat.
Oh and don't take any cabs with BX _____ as its license plate no. or ones without the meter. Red cabs called 大众 are generally prefered.
D - DIRTY
okay okay. Shanghai is RELATIVELY clean already. But be prepared to walk on streets with litter that seems almost embedded into the dirty stone pavements. Actually i don't think shanghai is THAT dirty, its just cos the old pavements exaggerate the effects of dirt. Always look at where you're stepping cos the pavements are really narrow here (its a Shanghai characteristic), you don't want to tread upon some shanghainese aunties' legs or some doggy's poo.
E - EMERGENCY
You scream. You call 110 for the police. call ZY.
F - FAGS
*cough* I mean the cigarettes. Smoking is still very rampant in Shanghai. And w..*cough*..they tend to flick cig buds. I normally take deep breaths before i pass a CREW of SMOKERS (normally construction workers), you know how much i hate 2nd hand smoke. haha.
G - GIRLS
Some girl-related information i got off my friends:
1) Get boots here if u like them.
2) If you always wanted to wear heels on a casual occasion, here's the place to do it, cos almost all shanghainese women young or old wear them.
3) If you want a discount, call all saleswomen with black hair 小姐 and the rest 阿姨
4) A FEW cosmetic products are cheaper here so you might want to stock up on stuff but make a SG price list so you can compare.
5) Getting hit on by foreigners especially black men in clubs and bars happens quite frequently to asian girls.
H - HORN
Change your concept of the car horn. People here use it to vent frustration more than anything else. So if you stay by some huge main road, be prepared to start your itinerary by 8am. Don't jump when you hear a horn, it doesn't mean what it means in sg. sometimes i like to do a slow-mo when someone horns me. just to piss them off more. bitches. But this doesn't mean you don't look out for horns when you're doing super jay-walking ("super" cos normal jay-walking is just well... sensible).
I - ICE CREAM!
If you love magnum and cornettos, feel free to gain a few kgs during your trip. Magnum costs the same as it does in SG, THREE DOLLARS. but in RMB. *grin*
J - JAZZ BARS
Well, Shanghai's relationship with the west actually goes a looooong way back so jazz started out really early in Shanghai. Plus it is a cosmopolis. So the jazz bars are pretty darned good! Ask for recommendations :)
Trivia: Shanghai has its own genre of Jazz - Shanghai Jazz.
K - KARAOKE
Its only right to karaoke once in Shanghai even if you can count the number of Chi Pop songs with one hand. Its dirt cheap and you can byob. And it even has hip english songs er with the thrashy mtvs.
L - LANGUAGE
The Shanghainese dialect is rudely dominant in Shanghai, in other words, every auntie in the convenience stores , supermarts, emporiums and uncles in cabs will assume you speak Shanghainese. Its bloody annoying if you actually know Chinese. But they all can speak their national tongue so just give it to them. Please do not assume the phoney beijing accent with alot of tongue-curling cos people in shanghai speak chinese in the way most of the southerners do (ie the way singaporeans do) - very unaccented.
M - MIGRANTS
1/3 or more of Shanghai's current population is made up of migrants. It just means that alot of people you see aren't Shanghainese. So a good way to identify the Shanghainese: Fair, sharp noses, stuckup and speaks in Shanghainese more than Chinese. Additional tips on how to identiy the women: high heels, tiny handbags , umbrellas and the meanest eyebrows.
N - NUDGING
I'll always try to arrange a day for CROWDED STREETS for visitors. If you thought singapore was unbearable, you should check out Shanghai. Its madness. And if you get masochistic enough to try the public buses during peak hours, you might just get a few FRIENDLY nudges from the 赶着见阎王的老疯狗s who are DYING to get on the bus cos it might just disappear into thin air in like 2 seconds! Don't take it too seriously. But what i normally do, is swing to look behind and enunciate: 你-不-要-碰-我. that'll start these old shits going 哎哟 那么凶啊 in the most 欠打 tone ever.
O - OLD PEOPLE
Since we were on the topic of nudging, we must talk bout old people in shanghai. Most of the old people in shanghai are locals. the non-locals look very harmless and sickly normally (hahaha). The old shanghainese are the worst of their species. Especially the women. Don't cross their paths or you'll be spat at very viciously. They can be identified by their FROWNY and BITTER faces and their agility when it involves empty bus/train seats (try not to stand in their way as they cartwheel to their seats).
P - PIRACY
Well i still have no idea what is a pirated cd/vcd/dvd in shanghai. cos they all look like pirated stuff to me. But i don't advise getting TOO many goods back home, customs will be a problem.
Q - QUEUE
Queueing, or the lack thereof, is one huge cultural shock that i have yet to digest in my 3 year stay in shanghai. They just don't get it. If you have a counter 1.5 metres wide, expect 200 queues (thank god noone can levitate). There are a few interesting queue formations : 1) The earthworm. Where both ends of the queues are the heads! That means that you can't tell where the queue starts. 2) The orgy. Where everyone just stands around and if you want to get to the cashier first means you have to start summoning some super black face, murderous looks and shouting, if necessary. not recommended for visitors. but if you're spunky enough, try 你可以排队吗 in a very demeaning tone. that usually scares off the less challenging barbarians. 3) The weeds. I came up with the name cos this sorta of queues are meant to be cut. VERY MESSY and ENTICES CUTTERS. so you will find yourself waiting forever cos people keep coming in and the person at the start of the queue is a wuss who can't speak up. scold the phisher.
R - RED WINE
Don't drink China red wine even if a bottle costs less than a bottle of vinegar in sg. In the same spirit, don't buy cheap liquor. Open bars give diluted or fake alcohol so watch out. PAY MORE LA.
S - SHOPPING
Shopping in Shanghai is a whole new experience. Say bye bye to boring brand outlets and say hi to fake brands and independant labels. Streets of cosy boutiques with their own collection spice up the whole process. Or thats what i hear from the sg girls that came over. I don't shop. And i'm gonna leave you girls alone when you shop.
T - TRAFFIC
Traffic congestion in shanghai is probably only second to Bangkok if we're talking bout Asia. oh and maybe inner city of Tokyo. So avoid peak hours at all costs. 7-9.30 am and 5-8pm. You might find yourself taking 1.5 hours to get from one place to another, chalking up a neat taxi fare. Some traffic rules you might want to keep in mind : 1) Left hand drive so look to your left first when crossing a road. 2) Zebra crossings do not exist. the pedastrain crossings might resemble our little zebras, but they don't bestow the right of way so look out. 3) Cars can turn right at a red light with or without a green arrow. 4) There are bicycle lanes which are the most hazardous roads cos sneaky motors straddle these lanes and the main road.
U - UMBRELLA
If you always wanted to be fair *winks at lihui* but can't take the ridicule of holding an umbrella in sg as well as meiling does, shanghai's your chance to flaunt that UV 100% protection brollie. Shanghainese women always put up a good fight on a sunny day.
V - VENDORS
Shanghai has alot of vendors. Selling fruits,fish,vege,dvd,vcd,raisins,nuts and god knows what. 2 pieces of advice : 1) Always try bargaining unless its like food hawkers. 2) Which Vendors are safe? Fruit vendors are cool. But i don't see why you should be dying for fruits unless you are Little Miss Vitamin C. Don't eat from the food hawkers. Smells phucking good but no point having cat meat deep fried in black tar-like oil right? right.
W - WATER
Water is NOT potable. They claim that 93% is potable but it just means that 7% of god-knows-what-makes-their-water-chalky is evenly distributed throughout the water pipes. Boiled water is not good enough if you're a fussy drinker or have a sensitive stomach. Get bottled mineral water. 农夫山泉 (red) or Nestle (blue) are popular choices. Cheap as hell anyway.
X - XINJIANG
I don't want to be xenophobic but people from this district seem to have a real smelly reputation with the shanghainese. They apparently are responsible for alot of snatch-and-run, robbery and pickpocketing cases in Shanghai cos there's a minorities-protection-law that acquitts them of all charges except one - deportation. Not all of them are criminals la. but i say, be safe and not sorry at the end of your trip, ie. stay a safe distance away from people that look like a mix of european-chinese-muslim. They tend to cluster. They sell raisins and this nice steam cake (mixed nuts and raisins) but i've heard of friends getting seriously kotoked by them and have no choice but to pay 120 RMB for a slice of huat-kweh-equivalent cake, in fear of being stabbed. And if you see them slapping or assaulting people on the train, just quietly DASH FOR THE DOOR, unless of course.... i'm the one being stabbed to death.
Y - YUCKS!
KOOOOOoooooooooooOOOORK-PTOOI! Be prepared to hear that AT LEAST 20 times over a 7 day visit. What i normally do : If i'm in a good mood, quicken my foot steps , cover my mouth, before i hear the fatal PTOOOI. Don't worry bout them hitting you but that said, i suggest walking faster underneath the staircases of overhead bridges. If i'm in a bad mood, i'll spit back. haha no la. i'll just turn around and give a REALLY FOUL LOOK. not like they care but it just makes me feel a little bit better bout myself.
SHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-drip-drip. If you're lucky enough, you might witness the public toileting displays. Normally its kids. NORMALLY. They have this cute slits in th back of their pants (where the ass crack is!) and their mum sits them on the lap, peeing or POOing on the floor of the pavement. If you're luckier, you get to see the MEN PEEING. hahha. If you see a construction worker lookalike, facing the wall, don't go and offer help or ask for directions, run before you start to hear trickling. I've seen that happen quite often. IF YOU STRIKE JACKPOT, you might actually witness the urban legend...... the LADY WITH HER LONG SKIRTS PEEING WHILE STANDING UP. lol.
Z - Zheng Yi
If in doubt, call ZY. Don't hesitate to call especially when you are being approached by strangers or the police or whoever you don't feel comfortable with. My take is ignore ALL strangers. Since you can't give directions anyways, no point stopping to help. Alot of people borrow money, NEVER give it even if its 2 SGD. They can come in all shapes , ages and sizes (i got a couple once and the guy was in a suit). As for beggars, do it only if you want to. no obligation la. not like 1 RMB will make alot of difference and there's 1 million of them out there. but if you have remnants from a meal and u KNOW of one beggar that always hangs ard outside your hotel, maybe you could do him a favour and at the same time , save you all the BAD KARMA FOR FOOD WASTAGE.
There it is! My A-Z guide to Shanghai for short-term visitors!
So happy. i managed to keep myself busy on this sad lonely saturday night.
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