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Thursday, March 18, 2004
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" Show me a smile
And don't be unhappy
Can't remember when I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy and you
Take in all you can bear
You call me up and you know i'll be there
I see your TRUE COLOURS shining through
I see your true colours
That's why i love you
So don't be afraid to let them show...
your TRUE COLOURS, your true colours are
Beautiful
Like a rainbow. "
- Eva Cassidy " True Colours"
" I've been looking for a saviour on these dirty streets,
Looking for a saviour beneath these dirty sheets "
- Tori Amos " Crucify "
" Hard to be sure
Sometimes I feel so insecure
And love so DISTANT and OBSCURE
remains the cure. "
- All By Myself
" And so it IS
As you said it would BE
Life goes EASY on me
Most . Of the time."
- Damien Rice " Blower's Daughter "
" Zai4 Bu4 Yong4 Cong2 Bie2 Ren2 Shen1 Shang4 Qu4 Xun2 Zhao3 Xin4 Yang3 "
- S.H.E. " Hua Dou Kai Hao Le "
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" You're a feeble goose Elizabeth. "
And i don't want to be a feeble (goose) person.
Clarified things with the friend and everything is just fine w both of us now.
Whether or not it was a silly misunderstanding i don't know but i'll give things another go.
Terribly silly u might say, a bit " Zi4 Bian1 Zi4 Dao3 Zi4 Yan3 " but yep, i'm glad now so thats all that matters.
But i still maintain " Letting go of friends is easy when you're decided." but i follow up :
" It's mighty difficult to get decided."
~
Again i have people inching closer towards my space, my heart and my presence.
Although i must admit that my heart is not as full as before but i still am very resistive towards them.
A fellow campmate of mine, my buddy asked me
" Hey buddy, (we call each other that), I think you are a friend worthy of my acquaintance, do you still think we'll keep in contact with each other after our ORD? " (in mandarin of course)
In fact, my answer would have been a 'no'.
Not because i 'don't want' to but just because i know it will not happen. But i don't especially 'want to' either.
But i just told him to not ask questions like this and let time tell , e typical obligatory answer.
But maybe there is some truth in it after all : Let time tell.
Who knows?
But as with another campmate of mine, i begin to feel a very slight repugnance at open attempts to know me better. I just am not interested in people wanting to know me better although i do have alot of things in common with him and we do enjoy just singing along together when we wander about the camp. I should start to distance him as i did with another campmate last time. Things turned out better cos there isn't e obliging interreliance. E ' waiting for him to change to book out' or 'lunching together'. Alot of ppl might think : aiyah, it's just something so SMALL, it's JUST a meal zheng yi, dun think so much of it. BUt well. I'm just a thinkalot.
~
Can't book out for e 5 weekdays next week. Some ops establishment kinda thingy. I'll be pretty busy. Stressed. And i hate staying in but maybe this is when male-bonding comes in. I do believe there'll be loads of porn, movies, garbage food, wrestling, mahjong and soccer. mildly exciting.
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