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Monday, July 18, 2005
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im back.
from OBS for the uninformed.
this OBS will be a memorable one. my third visit.
my first was in TCHS - probably quite a screwball cos i don't remember anything more than a few random stills.
my second was Tenzing with council - that was pretty fun cos our group were just outright slackers (with jr, tom kong)
and now,
my third : Tock Seng (T again!) with fellow MOE scholars.
well its all in the group i feel. this statement is especially true for 3 day courses. and boy was i glad i was in Tock Seng with these great bunch of people.
i guess like most people, you will be looking for the Anchor person in a group. Someone you were hoping was in your group from the start and :
i had KLEMENT. haha. ghost of the past really. one of my closest friends in sec. 1 and 2. another caustic sharptongued drama person. but we sorta drifted away when we went to diff classes and then diff jcs later on. and i only realised he was a fellow MOE scholar when i bumped into him for our first meetup session with all our peers. haha. he's as hilarious as ever. and we really didn't take too long to 'get back together'.
Having klement might have been coincidental but i bet having the other 8 people in Tock Seng required a little more luck than that.
When we have groups, you'll always start out wondering :
man. how is this new group going to be like?
And at the end of the day , you end up wondering :
man. how could it have been any other group?
In the case where you're happy with the group of course. And that was exactly how i felt with Tock Seng.
To put it simply, our group was DIFFERENT. and some of you know how much i value distinction. We were the kind of group which doesn't take prep talks or sharing sessions without raising our brows first. We were cynical when witnessing the (over)enthusiasm of other watches : playing retarded games tt i might play if i had e correct company like my class (haha. im a diff person with diff groups). We would give each other ludicrous looks when something absolutely trite ( you know... OBS talk ) has link his personal experience to the leadership model he was trying to teach us with a cheesy line like : " If only i knew the PPP model then, i would have ... "
I know how that makes us sound like some unhappy rebels. But we were the sort that had fun in our own ways! bitching endlessly , insulting each other all the time , klement, J (an RJ guy) and I being the main forces behind all the lets-heck-it decisions.
And how crazy were we?
Given a mahjong paper and crayons, we were supposed to draw about our team goal and motto.
And we ended up stoning for like 5 min looking absolutely tortured. Then i started doodling on the paper and the nxt thing u know we were all vandalising the mahjong paper. The product : a huge rainbow polkadotted mother cow with Horns and Wings thats crashing towards an island and spilling strawberry milk that was dripping into our stick figure instructor's mouth. and all of us were stick figures on the island. (?????~?)
and the cow was called Mooses cos we realised the ocean we drew had a gap in the sea. hehe. i was rolling on the floor w laughter. and our motto ? MOOVE IT. meaning? we had no idea.
We're not the group that bothers to engage in group games in our free time. we'll stone and slack. and bitch. And strangely, this could be the most comfortable position fer me. Not the joymaker when people decide to play group games altho i do enjoy that sometimes.
We're not the group that huddles together at the end of OBS and does sharing.
We don't mingle. We challenge our instructor when he uses the USUAL inspirational tone on us. We do share but only if we want to. We roll our eyes in unison.
We're just a CLOSED group. Noone in. Noone out.
It was a very different experience. When its very apparent that everyone's sorta jaded and unexcited , we don't force ourselves to be enthusiastic. We just chill. Its less tiring really. Im prob one of the least nonchalent ones in the group. But we get stuff done very quickly and we're innovative (not taking tups and groundsheets for camping and just using our ponchos..hehe klement's idea). And we do love our group. No whiny or hyper girls. No act macho or eager to please boys. Just girls that get things done even when the guys werent around. And guys who help because they want to and not cos they have to.
Tock Seng seriously rocks. Love 'em all.
And we did kayaking and a MONSTER height challenge.
Hmm you guys know i get seasick right. But miraculously, i was fine throughout! And i'm so glad that someone was willing to partner me despite the knowledge of my condition. (the others like Klement were OVERTLY EVADING me . e.g. : "ey i want to kayak beside to see you puke later" -_-" so kind >:] )
And my partner was LIANGSI! (yes ml! liangying's sister! she looks exactly like her!)
And liangsi was probably most symbolic of our group. Simply cool. We were (ok i was) highly competitive kayakers who was trying to outrace everyone we saw (ESPECIALLY louis tan who jus kept yakking when we went past him. but somehow he'll leisurely drift past us again. grr. )
it was fun kayaking in the swamps and pitching a tent outside. and doing the quarry jump again and playing spit-the-quarry-water at each other and pee-talk. haha. as i write this, i am smiling to myself as i remember the little details. IT WAS FUN. wow.
Er.. and i am afraid of heights too. (im jus a coward. haha.)
but cos we were so stoned before the height element (after sea ex.) i groggily volutneered to go first and i was spouting so many vulgarities and bitching so much standing on the 3 metre platform supported on a single pole . it was damned scary lar. my legs were just wobbling and my team members were jus laffing and laffing. (another thing bout this group : noone cheers for one another. we just keep shouting : DO THIS LA. LOUSY. )
So oh well, i had fun. altho i think i just readily stepping into the stereotype people usually have of me : Funny and really bitchy and insensitive. haha. I dunno. *shrugs*
Tock Seng.
~
Oh the gig.
:)
I guess it was something that couldn't have turned out badly. I mean, its my first experience so i don't have a standard for how it should be like. But of course, i guess i do hope more people could have turned up. Friends or even better, real customers. I only had 2 friends + 2 customers for my entire gigspan of 45 min. Hmmm.
I wouldn't say i wasn't disappointed but i guess the live singing experience was the highlight of the night. Did songs that i have always wanted to recommend to the public (tts prob why i hoped more people could have turned up).
I was so. SO. S8-)W glad for Melod's and XY's presence.
Its unimaginable if they weren't around. I would have been really upset.
I was quite upset at the start well cos some people couldn't make it. I was really hoping zhao could come cos i knew he really wanted to. And i knew if he could, he would. So don't feel bad zhao. =) I'll pass u dvd version of it. hehe. its like e real thing (just tt u have melod n xy commentating the entire performance. hahhaha~)
Oh i really must thank melod and xy fer coming. they just made Paul and I feel so at ease and totally chased away MY blues. In fact they made me laff so much i was happy all over again. Such hilarious and nice people. And thanks to melod for helping out for recording. WO AI NI , RANG WO QU, WEI ZHI DE REN HE MING YUN! melod showed alot of support for this gig , she said she die also will come de. I also hoped osm, adele and ml were around cos i knew they would love to be around if they were in singapore. Never mind! i'll let you girls know when we have another gig ok!
I think i did pretty well singing. And paul managed (as usual, what's new) to pull everything off on e lousy keyboard. He's really good. I was listening to an intro for one of the songs and i suddenly just remembered why i worshipped him in the past again!
there's the video for each song, lousy sound quality but i guess the feel is more or less there =). have been spending time cutting the clips. wah so tedious when im a techidiot. heh.
~
yay. more than 3 ppl thought my spoken english was good in OBS. =) someone even told me i shouldn't be a chinese teacher. (er i dun get the relevance either but i guess... YAY!) i'll be a bilingual chinese teacher. hehe.
~
I am doing self-reflection.
Hmm.
I AM insensitive.
I speak before i think and i am too used to just saying everything i want to say.
I am incapable of reserving my thoughts.
And as liangsi very poignantly pointed out (did hurt a little tho)
that i commented on everything.
Its very hard to change but i must. So i have to slowly cut down on my impulsive energies. Like how i have a thought in mind and have to get it out to the person regardless of its content. I am lucky most of the time my thoughts are just random insults and lotsa crap.
I know some people prefer me like that cos i can be quite entertaining. but i must have discretion. give me time. i hate it when everyone just thinks im a no-thinking loudmouth (its almost like the male equivalent to a bitch) until they know me better. I should be lucky i can be funny or i would have been stoned to death before i reached 20.
i really lack charm. i have no appeal. seriously.
its not about looking good.
i don't appeal to girls. i don't appeal to guys.
so what. i go to dogs. i know my uncle's dog loves me.
its terrible! why! 20 years in my life and i only have 1 person whoever openly declared she liked me. how unpromising! i must change! i must!
and i'm terrible when it comes to facing the people who i really wanna know. its terrible when you have all the social skills in play with people who don't matter as much. bah.
i wonder why my friends like me. hmm. so odd hor. friends are really hard to come by i guess. im not asking for stupid compliments or ego-boosters hor. please know me better than that. im jus doing self-reflection!
wait. i seriously am bitchy. haha. this is badddd.
lala.
sleeptime!
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