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Friday, December 12, 2003
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"This is my right. This is the right of every person.
I choose not the suffocating anesthetic of the suburbs, but the violent jolt of the capital. The meanest patient, yes, even the lowest has a choice in her own prescription. Then she defines her own humanity. "
- "Virginia Woolf" in "The Hours"
The above has absolutely zero relevance to my life. But i like the way she said it.
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Wednesday, December 10, 2003
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Haven't been doing much blogging nowadays.
sorta busy with xmas gifts and work.
things have gotten better in camp.
not that it was bad before.
but its even better now. i guess i have been making an effort so i deserve this.
i'm beginning to bond w my camp mates. hmm. i'm still quite reluctant to commit myself. cos there's jus too many friends. and strangely some of the ppl there that i'm clicking with are rather different fm e kind of ppl i thought i would click with.
well prob let things go naturally. but i'm refraining myself from getting all pro-active and passionate like i used to be. think i can survive with acquaintances till e end. or maybe not.
i can 'locate' a few potential friends lar. and slowly things start developing. like i got dragged into a mahjong clique. okay okay! mahjong's jus irresistable. then there's 2 other frens i go home with and one of which i actually meet to go back camp. i'm trying not to start unnecessary reliance so i justify our going-back together as a means to keep me awake on e bus ride to camp.
i foresee my hermit days in army coming to an end. *grumble*
honestly i did enjoy this period of time whereby everyone was a bit intimidated by my iciness. i hardly spoke then. *unbelivable but true*
i really feel good when i'm free of obligations.
now the whole office keeps calling me mariah cos i ever assisted my Sir in doing e scoring for a range he conducted. harmless teasing. but i hate being in e centre of weird unnecessary attention, especially when e teasing gets a bit stale. i can't stand expired humor.
my Sir and Ma'am are a pair of kind kind kind officers really. unbelievably so.
imagine, jus this afternoon i was playing PC Mastermind with them. it's very unbecoming. we are in the ARMY, after all! Then my fren and i were reading U and I magazine (ma'am's) in ma'am's office today. And 2 days before, my ma'am borrowed this gingerbread man receipe frm me (my mom).
haha. it's hilarious. we're like a small family. the entire office jus reminds me of a small class. like my one in JC actually. everyone seems to have come out fm those family-based sitcoms where noone can be called a 'bad guy'. but i'm never over-optimistic so even if things turn slightly bleaker, i'm fine. i never take things for granted. besides my mom. (ok ok and a few frens. )
haven used e PC to type for quite some time, my eyes can't stand e glare of a white bkgrd with lotsa words. *rest my eyes *
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Read this somewhere.
From a book whose title i can't recall.
"The euphoria of the "in love" state gives us the illusion that we have an intimate relationship. We feel that we belong to each other. We believe we can conquer all problems. We feel altruistic toward each other. As one young man said about his fiance, "I can't conceive of doing anything to hurt her. My only desire is to make her happy. I would do anything to make her happy." Such obsession gives us the false sense that our egocentric attitudes have been eradicated and we have become sort of a Mother Teresa, willing to give anything for the benefit of our lover."
Makes quite a bit of sense realli. and also gives me a logical explanation why love is one thing whose goodness is so popularly exaggerated. So in the end, probably all we wanted (as usual) is jus to feel good about our own self.
but well, i'm not gonna try to fight the need to love. probably could play it down a little.
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