sugar, give me sugar

Saturday, October 16, 2004

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For the past 2 weeks i've been having cold feet (and cold hands as well) over my driving test. And just to illustrate how badly hit i was by the 'driving jitters' : I was halfway thru my mamamia performance, enjoying the songs and dances, and without warning, flashfronts (new word!) of my driving test invaded my mind and i was most unpleasantly disturbed. AND jus yesterday (this morn in fact) i woke up at 3am and started to get this numbness in my wrists and weakness in my feet, i was HORRIFIED. i remember thinking : "holy shit, my legs are jelly. i'm def. gonna fail. " For 2 weeks, whenever the thought of being put to the test, having to hold out 30 min of flawless (ok maybe no major flaws is sufficient) driving and having to go through the heartbreak of drawing cash from ATM machines if i do fail, came along, i will be terror-stricken and be very distracted from whatever i was doing.

It's ten times worse than the stress i get from all my school tests put together. I think i almost had a zhengyi sort of nervous breakdown. And i have no idea why specifically. Its not ALL abt e money. (actually i think it is. bah.) But the thought of having to perform consistently throughout the 30 min was really tormenting cos there are always minor hiccups here n there, which i feel are unavoidable.

i am blessed.

I passed my test today at 12:20pm.
Gosh. And i just before that i was showing my dad how bloody cold my hands were and he was teasing me for being wimpy. (thanks dad anyway for driving me to BBDC! ) pop's a dear. he kept telling me in his TYPICAL i-know-all tone : " IF u pass that's good. If u fail it's good too! So why do u worry? It's not like u'll lose an arm or sth. " My old man rocks. Not like my lousy mom, go mahjong n never even wish me good luck. boo.
My strategy (one i figured out the prev. day when i couldn't bear e stress anymore) was to sing. Cos i get irregular breathing once i think of the test, so singing helps me to control it. And what song? haha S.H.E.'S " SUPERSTAR ".
Its such a destressing song. haha. I know i sound terribly ditsy. but hey, whatever dat goes man. So lucky i got to go into e car w/o the tester first, so i could prep talk myself and do the chorus for Superstar. Haha. Basically i just gave myself a triple egobooster injection which makes me think i can do anything. But my hands were sweating really badly still.
And man i am blessed. The road condition was perfect. No threatening-to-turn-amber green lights, no vehicle deciding to stop at e roadside all of a sudden, taxis at roadsides were clearly either gonna stay for awhile or move off in a second so i knew whether i had to overtake, first car for U-turn, no naughty pedastrians and no road hogs. The tester was damned good. Clear instructions, skipped slope,e-brake and S-course and even hinted me when i should change to 4th gear.
When he left circuit early i was thinking, shit, either he's gonna fail me fast or pass me quick. So i was thinking the latter at first cos i thot i did pretty well inside. But when i stoned for a Red Light Green Arrow, i thot i was a goner. And the first thing he said to me in the tester's room was

" Your first time ar? Why vehicle insurance never give me jus now. "
and followed by
" How many hours have u driven before? "
where i cleverly (as suggested by my instructor) brought up e fact dat i had a military class 3,4 license and drove quite a bit inside( e not-so-true heh ).
And so he passed me with 10 dp. My saviour.

the 3 main reasons y i passed :
1) I wore a big red t-shirt (its supposed to be real lucky esp. for driving students)
2) S.H.E. - serious! they really purged me of all the weakness in my mind! (dun mock)
3) Guan Yin Niang Niang and my granny - prayed to them for e last few days for peace of mind

the 3 ppl i really wanna thank :
1) meiling, lauren - for trying to help me destress
2) my dad for being a great comfort
3) my instructor Foo - i know it's terribly hyprocritical of me but i thought i saw a halo over his head when he came over to congratulate me. haha.

And that's that. No more driving lessons. No more disputes. No more Chway. No more Foo. No more headache and weak limbs. MORE money.

~

But i have been enjoying an extraordinary streak of luck these days. Okay not really 'luck' but jus life being very kind to me.

1) i passed driving
2) lihui (oh my darling lihui!) helped me get an autograph from SLY! hahaha. BEAT
THAT!
3) Jerry Ong's out fm SG Idol ( i was jus telling jj yesterday when i heard e
results : " I can't believe it. He's out. I might pass my driving man. "
4) I found magnetic earrings! (dun ask not telling policy.)
5) Oh and creative gave me a replacement for my wonky mp3 player. CAN U BELIEVE IT?
its like getting a new mp3 player. haha. The salesgirl asked : " do u mind if
it's a diff color? " OF COURSE NOT! haha big companies and warranties rock. Its
nice and new and grey-white now. tsk tsk. chio. new stock somemore. *grinning fm
ear to ear*

~

Yay in celebration :
1) I rented another lousy taiwanese ou xiang ju!
2) I'm gonna get 2 tubs of HD icecream for my family.
3) I'm gonna go for a good meal tomorrow and 2046.
(anyway i think 2046 is a cool show. heck if its pretentious or not, imagine. Jia
Ling, Zi Yi, Gong Li, Man Yu , Faye ,Tony and Kimura ! its like seriously STAR-
STUDDED. gorgeous ppl. dat's all u need in a movie.)
4) gonna treat 3 of my campmates , jeron and myself to something (dunno wat yet. ooh
wait. i get a double treat den. how generous of me. *strikes up a conversation w
oneself* "awww...u dun have to really." "no i MUST!"
5) i shall get my last 2 tori albums.

~

i'm thinking if i should choose beijing university instead.
arp.
:)

~

i think people are silly when they take leisure activities seriously.
and that includes gossip, rumor-mongering and tv programmes.
Liven up ppl!

10/16/2004 04:15:00 PM

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

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Well well.
Duty ended today. I'll be on off till sunday again.
So i'm free on weekdays and slacking away. again.

~

HIGHWAY DRAMA IN THE BY-THE-DRIVER'S SEAT AGAIN
Guess what? more exciting developments in my driving episode again!
*the foulest look ever*
My new instructor decided to drink and drive and THEN decided to be stupid and get caught and get his instructor license suspended.
So for my 1st hour of driving today, i got my OLD instructor back.
But while i was thinking, 'forget it. i'll jus stick with him. it was jus one lesson with Foo aniwae. '
Foo came back for the next hour!

Something is terribly fishy about this entire thing. Cos i saw Foo looking really forlorn while flipping this instructor license card in his fingers. I suspect he didn't get to renew his license. But my old instructor Chway says he did. But i would think 'drunk driving' is pretty serious. And i think my suspicions were further confirmed when Foo was asking me in a very mysterious tone:

" Hey, you know where to update passport? I think i want to go overseas for some time. "

Oh my goodness! I've got arms/drug traffickers as driving INSTRUCTORS!! HELP!!

Ya but that's their problem but for now, i'm being PROSTITUTED by them. Foo is handing me back to Chway after today who will hand me back to Foo one day before my test. What's this ! I admit i'm not a steady driver but this is PREPOSTEROUS.

I just wanna get away from Bonnie & Clyde now.

~

Met lihui tonight for dinner. =)
I realised this is the first time we've ever been out alone for dinner and i really did find it a very.... how should i put it...enriching experience.
I realised i QUITE adore lihui. In a very weird sense. Not in the way i'll always wanna buy little gifts for huili or the way i'll tease and playact w stupid christine. Def. not in the way i spoil niang niang either. But i feel very comfortable with her. She is an amazing listener despite how she suddenly bursts out with the most ridiculous and random stuff when you are halfway through some serious speech. But you know she's listening still.
There are some stuff i tell lihui before i tell even niang niang and jj. And they are sometimes things i do not even think i would have told anyone.

But today was pretty fun but pretty intense too. Yeah that's the word. 'Intense'.
Two 19 year olds with so much said between them, walking and talking among people whose lives seem so strange and far away.
I might have upsetted her tonight. Okay i did. But well, i would think i have her best interests at my heart when i did.
Confessions and Professions.

But of course, with ME and LIHUI around. Things just turn silly along the way from time to time. Like how i refused to give tips to Terra Cafe cos they charged for service. And she chided me den asked me to change her $10 note for my five $2 notes and insisted on tipping them $2. Which i protested wildly and finally stopped her by sandwiching her entire purse (hehehe) in the leather folder and threatened to return it to the counter and say "Here's my tip".

Or how i quietly made a comment : "Hey don't be so loud. Jin Mao Shi Wang (Golden-haired Lion King) is beside you. " And she spun her head around , sees this guy with thick and big golden hair like those of some ugly dog-lion beast and bursts out laughing in his face. And then blames me for making her laugh in his face.

OR how she became slightly delirious when she started asking about a San Za drink at Terra. A SAN ZA DRINK. Its crazy. SAN ZA is that something maw plum-made thing we used to eat. AND A DRINK for THAT. She's crazy.

OR when i carried her bag (horribly heavy. it made her shorter. She's really short now. like 1 head-length shorter than me. how tragic.) and she carried my weightless sling bag in return. And we went into 7-11 to get drinks, and i'll be digging for her purse to pay for HER DRINK and she taking out my wallet to pay for MINE. And then she insisted on wanting to open MY CAN DRINK while asking me to put a straw into HER BOTTLE DRINK.

And Bo (hi bo!) calls and there i was with her bag on my back, my drink on her hands, her drink on mine. And lihui being absolutely the lihui i know, jus loses track of watever's going on, sips her drink with me still holding it. That is what is unique abt lihui, she's the only girl i know that wouldn't mind doing that.(or at least doesn't look even slightly uncomfortable doing so.)

And only until today, i realised that my happy-go-lucky lihui was never so. But all the way i suspected something like that cos i never believed someone could be SO optimistic and full of energy. Its all bout balance. They take it from somewhere else.

But to lihui:
I know how discouraging it must be. But remember, do not take the burdens of others upon your shoulders because sometimes they don't need you to. You'll be fine. And i STILL dun believe in 'throwing urself at an iceberg'. its crazy.
P.s. Can u believe i couldn't stand u when we were in TD together? haha. ask ml.

~

My muvo is wonky. I sorta deleted my firmware (louis! anyone! i need tech suppt!) and i've got some error transferring files. Plus i formatted my muvo so i have no songs in it to hear. AT ALL.
I've no more music in mi life.
I'm dying...

Ooh, for the first time in my life, i bathed with clear vision!
Can u imagine, all mi life, i've been seeing a blur when i bathed?
Cos i always removed my specs when i do and with 800 per eye, i sorta see galaxies and orbs instead of toes and tiles?
But i bathed w my contacts today! Wow. Wat a sight. (haha.i dun mean anithing obscene.)

~

Jielun is terrible at lyrics.
I was trying so hard to memorise his Jie Kou. Its atrociously written. With key words being repeated more than 3 times! Imagine that! And such a cliche theme. He's such a SHU2 person. If it wasn't for his talent in music, he's no better than some Popiah boy.
And i'm dead for jielun's concert. i can't remember Qi Li Xiang.
(i'm so shu2 too. i'm e only person that bothers himself with stuff like dat i think.)

~

Okay i'm conducting a poll.
LISTEN HERE.
i'm conducting a POLL.
EVERYONE who reads my BLOG mus comment.

I've been thinking whether i should become a nicer person. And i dun mean treating you to buffets christine. Or u boon. But as in holding my tongue a little more and not lash out so often. I've been recovering from meanness in the wake of my streak of sarcasm since sec 2. But now i think i'm sort of balanced already, like i'm appropriately nice to my cute and sweet friends (a FEEBLE ,yes 'feeble' again lihui.:P attempt to sound nice) and appropriately stinging to ward off baddies. But apparently, my campmates and some other people don't think so. They sorta think i'm very xie2. And two of mi stupid campmates were poking me in my ribs and saying stuff like "Oooh, ni bu yao kan ta hen xiong jiang, qi shi ta hen cute de." -_-" "cute"? DIE. But more importantly, "xiong1"? I think there's an image problem i must solve soon.

So here's the poll :

A) You're cool. If you weren't mean, you wouldn't have any character anymore.

B) Who says you're mean? I think you are sugar and spice and everything nice. (okay i'm overdoing it.) Screw ur campmates

C) Who says you're mean? You're PURE EVIL. Change.

D) I think you've mellowed down alot? But you still lash out tactlessly sometimes. Maybe you just got to be aware that u have a history of uncontrollable sarcasm. But that's u.

A , B , C or D. VOTE.

10/13/2004 01:39:00 AM