Thursday, November 30, 2006 0 comments Post a Comment yesterday, a small incident brought big revelations and reaffirmed my capability of "making a mountain out of a molehill". by saying so, i do not put myself down, in fact i am surer. surer that i am alive. and surer that i am good. (speaking)the truth hurts, but not in the conventional way this time. it hurts because there are people who doubt it. or because they do not want to hear it. or because they choose to interpret it in merely their own space and never as something from me. In the English language, the word "truth" burdens too much. It is assumed to be something big, something important, something shocking, something that hurts. But in "truth" i mean what (i presume) people say all the time. What they have eaten. What they have read. What they think. What they do. It can be trivial and casual. But that further intensifies the shock. How some things said, so casually and randomly, can actually bring displeasure and create unsettledness. By casual and random, i mean something like "I ate fries today". However, somehow, this threatened the potato-lover in a "friend". Or maybe its something like "I saw the sun today." Again however, somehow, a "friend" thinks that i am insinuating that he is blind and unable to see the sun. The absurdity of my predicament is inherently similar to my rather laughable examples. And the defensive (maybe even offensive) stance taken against me is even more disturbing because the "friend" was a "friend". And lo and behold, you are informed that its not only him, but a whole pack of people out there waiting to pounce at the very moment you charge them for hostility. How clever of them. I did not mean to craft my words in such a way to suggest great detest for the 'pack'. I swear that it is neither my intention nor represents how i feel. But let me be unreasonable for once. Let me put up my defences of thorns and metal claws so i feel less vulnerable. What is in a friend. We have seen this question umpteen times in moving proses and heartwarming sms-es. But all these were done in positive affirmation : A friend is someone who *******. But let us stand at another angle and define a 'friend' in negation. A friend is someone who does not quote whatever the fuck you say and interpret it as something which threatens their wellbeing. Its not very warm and fuzzy is it? But i'm afraid its true. Now i understand why people don't send such smses. Its because non-friends do too many things contradictory to our expectations. It'll be stupid to list them all out. Much wiser to say what friends DO "do". Good one there, Fuzzy-sms-creator. Thats all for relief of angst. But i'm not 16 anymore. The incident abovementioned should not only be just an incident to bitch and forget about, it reveals a greater truth. And boy am i a late bloomer. People speak the truth only to those who love them. For these are the people who will listen and empathize and understand and cast off a remark like "you poor la, spend so much for what" without accusing you of being a bastard (behind your back of course). These are people who put you in their space or even remove themselves to give you their space. But what a sad way to live isn't it? Especially in the very time before we cremate our age of wilfulness, freedom and innocence. One who has been rudely awakened as i have been, has a few paths to choose from: I could battle passive hypocrisy (the intentional restraint of speaking certain truths in order to hide from the mouths of the vicious) with passive hypocrisy. I could be the sacrifice. To persist in my obstinate honesty. I could be the silent one. Forgoing the false and pretentious relationships and settle for an albeit lonely but honest two years. I am faced with choices once again. ~ But i do not only see this revelation with the cynic eye. It has been a rewarding lesson. thankfully painless. (which i have to thank my intuition and discretion for.) I love you, my friends and family. Words fail me as i attempt to describe my gratitude for your kindness. Of course, you (my friend) might find this rather abrupt and undeserving, but after the emotional upheaval i went through, it only makes sense to appreciate what i have taken for granted. Thank you when you said you were proud of me when i received a scholarship. Thank you for supporting me (genuinely) when i made it to the finals of a singing competition. Thank you for praising me when i "boasted" (a term the pack would gladly employ) about my results. Thank you for loving zy and being not only unselfish, but generous to his ego. It is undescribable. The disgust i have for the ugliness in people . And on the other hand, the respect i have for the beauty in them. There are people out there who put themselves before everyone else. It is unfathomable but true. Yet, there is you. You who promises me that loneliness is something far far away. ~ As for you. Stop hiding behind brambles. You might cut yourself bad. And when you do, your could-be savior might not make it through the thorns. ~ It gets a little lonely in shanghai sometimes. i miss you guys. 11/30/2006 12:44:00 AM

yi A student (and maybe one always) / from Singapore in Shanghai / a hopefully chronic baking OCD / aborted mission Noble entirely / decided to stop believing in change and creation but work on succeeding heritages / food is culture. culture is heritage. / dreams of cooking classes in France where everything is white, light & shadows and old mastery - a typical Western enchantment/ wonders if Singaporean food will ever turn into haute cuisine/ will hump a madeleine more than anything else (for now)/ half-worried and half-proud that solid lava cakes distress him more than alot of things/ baking is my first (practical) skill/ believes that fine food can be found in the dodgiest alley after China/ will one day make his baking compulsion serve Charity / The Yi Cafe (a concept not a name)/ has the most pot-bellied father and a kitchen-prodigal mother (thus!)/ the second son with the less discerning tongue/ an aged interest in literature/ a perpetual weight issue / grams not pounds / measuring out my life with tbsps/ feeds the one with a sweeth tooth/ says, "my heart is stollen" homemade berry tart for the jaundice. SH culinary endeavours 1 : tang yuan in glutinuous rice wine SH culinary endeavours 2 : morbidly obese morning sandwich SH culinary endeavours 3 : herbal chicken soup YOU HEAR : Joni Mitchell - You Turn Me On I'm A Radio oh honey you turn me on i'm a radio i'm a country station i'm a little bit corny i'm a wild flower waiting for your broadcasting tower waiting for you fellow pebbles Archive Archives 10/12/2003 - 10/19/2003 10/19/2003 - 10/26/2003 10/26/2003 - 11/02/2003 11/02/2003 - 11/09/2003 11/09/2003 - 11/16/2003 11/16/2003 - 11/23/2003 11/30/2003 - 12/07/2003 12/07/2003 - 12/14/2003 12/28/2003 - 01/04/2004 01/04/2004 - 01/11/2004 01/11/2004 - 01/18/2004 01/25/2004 - 02/01/2004 02/01/2004 - 02/08/2004 02/08/2004 - 02/15/2004 02/15/2004 - 02/22/2004 02/22/2004 - 02/29/2004 02/29/2004 - 03/07/2004 03/07/2004 - 03/14/2004 03/14/2004 - 03/21/2004 03/21/2004 - 03/28/2004 03/28/2004 - 04/04/2004 04/04/2004 - 04/11/2004 04/11/2004 - 04/18/2004 04/18/2004 - 04/25/2004 05/02/2004 - 05/09/2004 05/09/2004 - 05/16/2004 05/16/2004 - 05/23/2004 05/23/2004 - 05/30/2004 05/30/2004 - 06/06/2004 06/06/2004 - 06/13/2004 06/20/2004 - 06/27/2004 06/27/2004 - 07/04/2004 07/04/2004 - 07/11/2004 07/11/2004 - 07/18/2004 07/18/2004 - 07/25/2004 08/01/2004 - 08/08/2004 08/08/2004 - 08/15/2004 08/15/2004 - 08/22/2004 08/22/2004 - 08/29/2004 08/29/2004 - 09/05/2004 09/05/2004 - 09/12/2004 09/12/2004 - 09/19/2004 09/19/2004 - 09/26/2004 09/26/2004 - 10/03/2004 10/03/2004 - 10/10/2004 10/10/2004 - 10/17/2004 10/17/2004 - 10/24/2004 10/24/2004 - 10/31/2004 11/07/2004 - 11/14/2004 11/14/2004 - 11/21/2004 12/05/2004 - 12/12/2004 12/12/2004 - 12/19/2004 12/19/2004 - 12/26/2004 12/26/2004 - 01/02/2005 01/02/2005 - 01/09/2005 01/09/2005 - 01/16/2005 01/16/2005 - 01/23/2005 01/23/2005 - 01/30/2005 01/30/2005 - 02/06/2005 02/13/2005 - 02/20/2005 02/20/2005 - 02/27/2005 02/27/2005 - 03/06/2005 03/06/2005 - 03/13/2005 03/13/2005 - 03/20/2005 03/20/2005 - 03/27/2005 03/27/2005 - 04/03/2005 04/17/2005 - 04/24/2005 05/08/2005 - 05/15/2005 05/22/2005 - 05/29/2005 05/29/2005 - 06/05/2005 06/05/2005 - 06/12/2005 06/19/2005 - 06/26/2005 07/03/2005 - 07/10/2005 07/10/2005 - 07/17/2005 07/17/2005 - 07/24/2005 07/24/2005 - 07/31/2005 07/31/2005 - 08/07/2005 08/07/2005 - 08/14/2005 08/14/2005 - 08/21/2005 08/21/2005 - 08/28/2005 08/28/2005 - 09/04/2005 09/25/2005 - 10/02/2005 11/06/2005 - 11/13/2005 12/11/2005 - 12/18/2005 01/22/2006 - 01/29/2006 02/05/2006 - 02/12/2006 02/26/2006 - 03/05/2006 03/05/2006 - 03/12/2006 03/12/2006 - 03/19/2006 05/14/2006 - 05/21/2006 06/11/2006 - 06/18/2006 06/25/2006 - 07/02/2006 09/17/2006 - 09/24/2006 10/15/2006 - 10/22/2006 11/26/2006 - 12/03/2006 12/17/2006 - 12/24/2006 06/03/2007 - 06/10/2007 08/26/2007 - 09/02/2007 11/04/2007 - 11/11/2007 09/07/2008 - 09/14/2008 12/14/2008 - 12/21/2008 12/28/2008 - 01/04/2009 01/04/2009 - 01/11/2009 01/18/2009 - 01/25/2009 01/25/2009 - 02/01/2009 02/01/2009 - 02/08/2009 02/08/2009 - 02/15/2009 02/15/2009 - 02/22/2009 02/22/2009 - 03/01/2009 03/15/2009 - 03/22/2009 & I want these Apron Stains! Madeleine Attempt 3 (with baking powder?!) ML's Stollen SY's Baked Almond and Marzipan (urgh) Peaches ZW's Ricotta Cream Cheese Pudding Citrus Delight 4 Lavas + 4 Purins for e Family replica of JG's FG with port gelee, candied pistachios and dried sour cranberries Upcoming Gastronomic Gorges Haiku by Hatsune Geylang Tze Char Pilgrimage Peranakan Food Liver @ Hong Long Xing