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Tuesday, January 18, 2005
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i'm as fickle as a trickle. (a trickle of WAT i dun know.)
i realised i enjoy making resolutions and taking sides and having stands. With absolutely no thought given to its accuracy or permanence.
i never like sitting on the fence , i never like having no opinion , i never like being undecided. that's prob why i never left MCQ questions blank even if i had no idea what the correct answer was. I'll jus fill it up and get back to it. (the troublesome capsule shading prob had alot to contribute to this habit of mine of course.)
So most of the time i firmly decide on something. Small or big. And i always voice it out. SOMETIMES i think i make a decision so i have something to say. So it seems like i have a strong character.
Like "i'll def. go watch this show / buy this CD / eat at this place. "
so i always end up with a hundred items on my to-do list but then somehow or another, i will lose my interest. And i decide on not another ITEM but another LIST altogether. But cos i have a pretty good memory, i still remember all the things i wanted to do but don't want to do anymore but is still on my to do list.
Or when i get judgemental . I am one of fastest people on earth to make impressions (and very strong ones).
First impression = I hate you = You'll take ALOT of fate to flip the coin.
Oh but dun worry (who is!), i'm fickle remember?
Or when i say i am something. I say i am this. I say i am that. I say all of that at the spur of the moment. The next minute i don't feel the same anymore and i cannot be bothered to clear it up so i end up making contradicting statements.
I think ml n jj know of this characteristic of mine, as such, they take what i say with half the attention it deserves and downplay my credibility. Of course they don't DOUBT me (i'm always sincere at that very moment) but they doubt the validity of my watever-u-call-it. The only way to ever catch them by surprise (a sudden migration of an entire school of thought or declaring that i will sleep around can never do that cos its all pre-empt now) is to actually STICK with a decision. But that takes eternity. Which is a very long time (as long as i live). So i guess i'll carry on being fickle oh me.
And its really funny when i talk to meiling cos we both agreed i was fickle (i agreed at that moment), and cos of that, whenever i tell her some absolutely (from surface value) mind-blowing like " i have fallen in love with XXX " or " i have decided i will never eat ice cream ever again " with all determination of a marathon runner and all firmness of a old hen's wing and all the severity of a police statement, i KNOW she doesn't really believe me. AND AT THAT MOMENT, I am as aware of her suspicions as i am resolute to make her believe in me. And its all very funny as i try to convince her with "REALLY REALLY"s. But its almost as believable as huili divorcing chocalates, christine going vegetarian or junjie saving up this month's salary.
But there are times i regret diving into conclusions or decisions too quickly. Especially when it involves the human factor. It makes situations much trickier. Its usually irreversible (especially when action is taken) and eventually regrettable. But because i'm an impulse person who can never compromise his instincts or desires (i emphasise again : at that moment ), i will do whatever i think best and usually it means making or breaking relationships. But usually i avoid being too rash when it comes to such issues, because not only feelings (which are superficial : ALFIE!) but ALOT OF face (mian4 zi3) is at stake. And there is nothing i hate more than feeling embarrassed or ashamed. (which is ANOTHER of my 'statements'. i think i've repeated this 40 times with different subjects at the end of the sentence)
And everytime i come to a conclusion i am always sure this will be the one that will stick. this will be THE one. SURER than a SHEARER. THE guiding light for the rest of my life. THE grounding principle. THE core value in me. And most of the time, give me a month at most,
i make another conclusion.
Its irritating. Its one of those vicious cycle crap things.
Like how the defensive person will never change cos he wun take in criticisms in the first place.
How the forgetful person will never remember to change his forgetful ways.
How the fickle minded person will decide that he wasn't fickle minded 2 days later.
or 2 min later.
I think i'm not THAT fickle actually.
hmm.
~
I spent $100 on CDs in 3 weeks.
Urg. I feel a bit uncomfortable (not guilty not poor) but...
STILL REALLY HAPPY i get to own SO MANY CDS AND SONGS. Muahahhaa.
Okay the albums i bought :
Mavis Fan Xiao Xuan - " Hai You Bie De Ban Fa Ma? "
Tori Amos - " Little Earthquakes " (FINALLY)
Zhang Shao Han - "Aurora"
Lisa Ono - " Dan Mons sth sth "
Lisa Ono - " NAIMA - meu anjo "
Ken Hirai - "SentimentaLovers"
Ken Hirai - "Ken's Bar" (from KYZ at $5 - what. a. freaking. steal.)
Chemistry - "The Way We Were"
Yang Nai Wen - "One"
WOW. Parallel Import is the WAY TO GO man. Its cheaper than a Macdonalds Fat Super Value Fat Meal (Fat). But of course Tori was original (bows down humbly to her Highness). Ken Hirai , Chemistry , YNW and Mavis were original too. But good ol' Chinatown sells them much much cheaper. On average 16 bucks.
And thanks to dennis, i've got some other albums to listen to!
So i've been trying two albums i really wanted to buy (yea yea "REALLY" wanted to) on my player :
Keane - "Hopes and Fears"
Alicia Keys - " Diary of Alicia Keys "
Oh and also Tori's " To Venus and Back " which ML, LH and Chris got me. Double CD and one of them with all new tracks except for one! and JJ will share Jacky Cheung's Live Concert CD of covers of Chinese Pop Classics like "ting hai", "tian hei hei" , "ai wo bie zou" etc.
And yummy yummy in my tummy, it has been an immensely pleasurable and lifting experience with all these albums, music makes our world go round and round and so freaking round, it may very well be a ball.
I am discarding my old listening habit of having a truckload of chinese pop classics i love (emphasis : "love" not "loved" , i still love the songs) and a miserable number of new albums. And i have replaced it with about 12-13 NEW albums containing NEW MUSIC to get intoxicated with , NEW LYRICS to electrify my literary senses and NEW VOICES to simply, GAWK at. All these were very inspired by Dennis' adventurous style in music listening i got to know about.
For now, i find the appropriate road journey (long enough) to listen to an entire album without track shuffling (something i derived from Paul's care taken in track numbering for our albums : it DOES matter. there IS a reason why they chose this order of tracks).
To appreciate not only the voices and tunes, but also instruments chose, from the drumbeats to the solitary ringing of a bell at some pt of time, the production (bian1 qu3), the harmony, the choice of key, the style of singing and back again to (to me) bloody important lyrics. I managed to discuss alot of these stuff with Dennis and cos both of us are mere appreciators and hardly musicians (if u don't count singing in), there is no fear of sounding amateurish or making silly remarks.
And music is still a hobby but much more refined. Don't worry guys, i still LOVE S.H.E. and Yanzi. The point being i have derived from myself a significance for Chinese Pop (even though it is far from mature) and there is so much more "feel" with mandarin lyrics that i can never give up.
The issue now is how to combine the merits of mandarin lyrics and chinese-pop-styled singing (no ABC Wang Lee Hom or Machi rapping for me) with the diversity and developments of Western Music. And not forgetting JPOP and its uniqueness. Like Ken Hirai who very successfully gave R&B a Japanese touch. And Lisa Ono who broke boundaries with Bossa Nova.
On top of this, i am trying to concentrate on the changes of individual singer/songwriters. On their growth and changes in style. There is Yang Nai Wen whose first album "One" was quite tough to finish because of completely varying styles and had to take some time before i could digest her music. And i've seen her go into unpopular hardcore rock chick wanna be in her 2nd. And finally my fav. album her 3rd where she found her direction and churned out not similar but homogenous compositions. She reminds me of Tori when she was still Ellen.
Or ken hirai whose album " gaining thru losing " was a little too westernised. And "ken's bar" where he attempted english covers with his unique singing fashion (very successful). And finally in "SentimentaLovers" where i think he soared with a perfect balance of JPOP and western influenced R&B. And oh his voice is to DIE for. Tops.
And there's always the very emotional department where we try to listen to the singer tell us about their lives. Like Mavis Fan's "Hai You Bie De Ban Fa Ma" where critics readily assumed to be depressed and full of angst but upon hearing , i found not exceptionally dark or sad but a little emptiness crossed with bitterness and a lot of feelings of being lost. But what fortune it is to be able to dedicate an entire album, an entire musical production to reflecting what you feel and experience at diff moments of your life, telling it to the world like how writers use their words to express themselves.
And comparision. Between a few piano-based albums, Alicia Keys, Keane, Mavis Fan and of cos my dear Tori (whose NEWEST ALBUM is SCHEDULED FOR RELEASE IN FEB! : "THE BEEKEEPER" Yip! Yip!). I really like Alicia Keys' "Diary of Alicia Keys" . rhythmic tunes, sensual singing, clever bian1 qu3. Keane's vocalist has a superb voice. Yum. and Tori is still Tori. ROWRRRRR.
But NO MORE ALBUM PURCHASE FOR THE NEXT 2 WEEKS! Erm maybe 2 more.
Huang Lie Chuan's and Chen Kun's. I need some tests before hand tho.
Music. Music. Music.
so i say
thank you for the
music.
Music. Music. Music.
~
I can't believe i found my Mei Li Ren Sheng VCD at HMV Heeren today.
WHAT FREAKING LUCK.
HURRAH! 02 Golden Horse Award : Awarded Best Film.
I shall sweetly and slowly chew at it one of these days.
~
I got to drive alone today. *spastic smile*
Heh. Cos dad went to thai for 3 days and bro's at sweden ( as i mentioned ) so i volunteered to fetch mommy to 800 metre away rail mall den conveniently asked if i could send the Tian Cha bottles to Ivan at Tech Whye after i dropped her. So i was alone . ALONE. actually no big deal cos i drive alot on normal roads cos of army (not alot actually , but cos of e recent LCK to Tekong 49 km journey, i have tt impression of driving alot.) Den i drove to my granddad's place near home alone. ALONE. heh.
Its quite okay but i hope i can get mom to let me drive to NUS to fetch SOMEONE. ANYONE. heh. lousy huili n chris no time this week to go eat otherwise maybe can drive them ard. maybe fetch boon or lihui instead. :)
~
Watched Alfie with Boon instead.
Interesting show. Done in self-narration fashion where Jude Law actually TURNS to the camera and talks to the audience. It was quite irritating at first cos i found the narration a bit cheesy cos you know how they always have to crack jokes in front of the cam. But cos it was Jude Law and he was brit, it made it much easier to digest. He SURE suits the role. Haha. Perfect. Smooth and slick. But so vulnerable and fragile at times. You can't help feeling sorry for this heartless casanova at times even though you are just as sorry for e 101 women he dumped. Liked the way they talked about relationship, found it quite easy to relate to and enlightening at some parts. Didn't like the way it got a bit evaluative and conclusive at the end, like moral-of-the-story sort but decided it was the only way to end the movie. Otherwise it would be quite ally mcbealish. No moral implications = no satisfactory ending. Loved the cinematography. How it got Vogue photoshoots-like half way or how it was cut in a way to stagger reality and imagination or how they did short skipping of images fm past to present , back n forth (like Jude be4 he took off his scarf and after) to put emphasis on his body actions giving us more to play with on his emotions and eventually character development. A good 7/10. :) YAY! Now i wanna watch the Aviator. Its not cos of e stupid Golden Globe or watever it is, i wanted to watch it be4 hand. cos of 4/5 reviews. hee. hee.
haven't finished my 8cm thick chinese book (862 pages) (SHIT. i realised there are 30 missing pages! luckily its not a continuous story. gosh. bastardy inconsiderate book users. PUI. ) its due today. OVERDUE tml. embarrassing. 2 weeks cant finish 3 books. useless bum zheng yi.
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